I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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