my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
