since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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