Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
