i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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