Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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