do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize