just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
