Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
