Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
