you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
