I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He better not be in your backpack
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
