Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you didnt know i had herpes?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
