My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
