We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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