your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
