This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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