I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
