Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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