he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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