Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
