They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
