The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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