i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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