garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
