Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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