my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
