is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
