I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
