Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
