The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
