So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
