i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
