I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
