I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my poor anus
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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