the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
