About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can I color on your dick again?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Randomize