wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
