you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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