It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
