i just wanna soil my oats bro
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
