I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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