your thong is hanging out like whoa
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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