It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
