is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
