Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I died a long time ago.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
