Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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