Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize