Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
