the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
