Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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