I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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