Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
