hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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