ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
