he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
