Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
