he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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