Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
