textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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