If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
