My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
