i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
