the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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