He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
