I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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