Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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